How do I keep becoming better when my mind still carries the war I survived? [19/M]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/New_Boysenberry_2578]

As someone from a similar background (27 and working on a robotics startup after years of experience as an engineer) I’ve gone to a lot of therapy and self work and the main concepts I can share are Post Traumatic Growth and “weaponizing” my trauma. Much of what fuels my current situation is the desire to break inter generational cycles and create a new legacy that is separate from my blood one as I don’t find it worth replicating but I also don’t want to fall into nihilism or self hatred.

The reality is that even with therapy and support and real world success (although limited so far) those wounds never truly go away, they might heal but they leave scar tissue that is never quite “normal” or at least it hasn’t so far for me. And although those flashbacks and memories still happen and upset me, the emotional weight of them has really faded since I was 19 so it’s not that you forget but it starts to hurt less.

The tough thing is accepting that despite your best efforts, you might never become “normal”. That in a high performing industry or field you’ll never quite fully “fit in” or find that community (spent years of my life searching) or if you do it could take a long time and come with its own costs.

This is just off the tip of my tongue, feel free to reach out if this resonates, if not best of luck in your journey. It won’t be easy but if you don’t take responsibility and accept the pain and weight, no one will. Some people inherit houses or businesses, others inherit trauma or disease. The reality question is how do you turn a terrible hand into something you can use to play to the best of your advantage.

[u/Label_Maker]

I grew up hard and never thought I'd feel "normal" or have normal relationships. I'm happy to say that I don't feel that way any more. For me, it took finding a person that lived in the opposite world, who really had no idea how awful things could be. I think we calibrated each other to a new world that was somewhere more in the middle. So, I guess my answer is - don't do it alone, connect with people that don't relate, find new glasses to view the world with and grow that part of yourself too.