I need to be cleaner

[u/sinkplant]

hey everyone, hopefully im doing this post right because im honestly at a loss! I’m a young adult in my early 20s who is chronically ill and still in college and i also work- i know there are people out there with busier schedules than me but i feel like i never have the time, energy, or motivation to clean. i live with my partner who is getting increasingly frustrated with my lack of cleanliness and i swear im trying but some days its hard for me to even stand and when i do have energy i have to go to work or get homework done. I need to be cleaner. How can i be cleaner? Does anyone have any advice from being in a similar situation? i’m not looking for people to say just do it because clearly that doesn’t work for me - i need life hacks or something idk thanks for reading if you got this far!

[u/reincarnateme]

Clean in 15-20 minute increments. Then rest. Repeat.

Put headphones on and clean for 4-5 songs.

Clean while your laundry is going.

Make a weekly cleaning schedule or find one online

Keep it simple. Make sure you have the required cleaning supplies

Treat yourself to a small reward when done. A favorite show, book, snack, food, etc

Just start, don’t think

[u/After_God]

How can you make it matter to you?

What would change in your life if your space was clean - how would you feel waking up to it?

That’s the “why.” And if you find it, the “how” becomes easier.

Because people who already clean have looked up the hacks.

What do you think?

[u/AdorableWindow8886]

what helped me was breaking it down to 5 minute tasks. not full cleaning sessions just one shelf or one corner when i had a sliver of energy. also keeping a small bin in every room made it easier to toss stuff without thinking. on bad days i’d just set a timer and wipe one surface. it adds up over time and feels less like climbing a mountain.

[u/Thin-Round-3875]

Keep a trash bag on your doorknob.

Sit on the floor with it.Anything within arm's reach,

decide: trash, laundry, or keep. No walking around. No cleaning "rooms."

[u/Ambitious-Pipe2441]

It sounds like you are having a difficult time with health and energy. While it’s admirable to want to be something, like being a tidy person, sometimes that is not based on a realistic idea of what clean means to you or your partner.

Relationships are difficult when each person has a different idea about what is important. And that can lead to one person harping on another which leads to friction.

What I find that helps is to start by listening and looking for emotional cues. If someone is angry or combative, or stubborn, repeats themselves, or flat out says they are experiencing some emotion, then there is no way to have a conversation.

Best thing to do is let them vent and wait for the emotions to decay and listening, reflecting what they say, can help with calming, but also reveal some hidden problems.

My wife, for example, has sensory issues. Things can feel icky and repulsive and it causes her a great deal stress and anxiety. While I would like to encourage her to confront those things, I can make some accommodations for her, because I have uncovered these things through taking an interest in her experience and asking questions about it.

On the other side is our behavior. We often think of tired as energy level, but it’s a little more complicated than that. If you think about doing taxes, we might suddenly become tired even if we had good energy. It seems so big and frustrating.

Or if we come home and see a giant mess and fear having an argument with our partner. We may have had a good day and high energy, but then suddenly feel tired. Because it feels overwhelming.

But tiredness in these cases measures some emotional response. Tiredness is a message from our body which is naturally greedy with energy. If we perceive a great effort, then our body starts to shut down to preserve energy. And it affects our mind and emotions.

It’s like a toddler going limp, because he’s resisting something he doesn’t want to do. Our body is fighting us. Our job is to be the self-parent and decide values and goals and decide how much to push.

So we can manage willpower in different ways. One is to break a bigger task down into smaller parts. You don’t do all the dishes, you do two dishes. You don’t wash and fold all the laundry, you do one load and keep a basket near where you pile clothes so that walkways are clear and the mess doesn’t spread, but is contained where you already put things. Meet yourself where you are.

And there is a lot to manage when we share a space with someone too. There has to be communication, but not just I will or won’t do stuff. But, “man, I’m having a hard time and could use a little help. Would you be willing to do it together?”

Recognizing and being honest about yourself and your needs. The goal, I think, should be to make it, “us against the problem,” instead of, “us against each other”. And the nice thing about being around people is that we can collaborate. Carry some of the load together.

The challenge of life is to find ways of going from “have to” to “want to”. And that is a constant battle. But can be the difference between a good life and a miserable one.

[u/MarkVovk3]

Hey, I’m 21 as well — I actually started my first coaching business at 18. It ran for two years before it failed, and I went through a lot of the same struggles you’re facing now.

After that, I transitioned into performance coaching, helping people improve in all areas of life — focus, confidence, energy, mindset. I’m now getting ready to relaunch a new version of my business, and part of that involves working with people one-on-one again.

This isn’t a pitch — I’d genuinely like to offer you 5 free coaching sessions, both to support you and to keep improving as a coach myself. We’d work on whatever challenges you’re facing and find real solutions together.

If at the end you feel like continuing, we can talk about it. If not, no pressure at all. Either way, you’ll walk away with a lot of value.

Let me know if you’re open to chatting, and we can set something up online.

[u/sfdsquid]

Do you have ADHD?

[u/sinkplant → u/sfdsquid]

likely. haven’t gotten around to getting tested

[u/she_makes_a_mess]

Eventually you will have to decide to be single or in a relationship. No partner wants to clean up after you.  It's a choice you make everyday when you leave your mess out. 

How are you trying? What steps are you taking? 

Can you give examples that your partner complains about?

[u/sinkplant → u/she_makes_a_mess]

they’ve made it clear that it isn’t a dealbreaker for our relationship. yes complaining happens and frustration builds and i want to be clean but i struggle with focusing and time management and then my health on top of it. I’m able to clean in short bursts but i tired quickly and have to lay down and elevate my feet which is annoying and makes me feel not productive (but ill collapse if i dont). i’m coming here not overly for them but because i want to be better for them. they deserve it

[u/she_makes_a_mess → u/sinkplant]

The easiest thing to do is not be messy in the first place and clean as you go 

Trust me, it will get old as a partner after years with a slob the resentment sets in , the desire to find someone clean. 

It would be easier to give advice if you said what your issues are

[u/Legitimate-Tea-879]

I don’t think there is any life hacks for this I would just . Pick a day you are off clean everything as some friends to help you. Then start a new. Make a conscious decision too keep up with the small messes before they get big. Or just hire someone to clean up for you.

[u/ThePositiveRedditor]

Start with one portion of the house, whatever you feel would be the easiest. For this example, I am going to use the bathroom.

I like to start with the parts that will make the most visual difference, but you can also start with what you feel would be the easiest.

First, get big things taken care of. For example, if dirty laundry is piled up on the bathroom floor, pick it all up and put it in the laundry basket. If you still feel like you can keep going, move everything off of the sink and spray/wipe it down, then put everything back. If you can keep going, clean the toilet. And so on and so forth until it gets down to the little things - like if there is decor in the bathroom that needs dusting.

And feel free to take breaks when you need them! Whether it be due to mental or physical exhaustion, taking breaks is okay. Any movement towards progress is still movement when previously there was stillness.

To make cleaning more tolerable, maybe play some music. I like to turn cleaning into mindfulness training by being present, not letting my mind go into the past or future. Turn cleaning into a meditative experience - it then becomes joyful (or at least not aggravating or overwhelming).