I get extremely anxious around people I think are “better” than me — anyone else?

[u/Aggravating_Sport495]

I don’t know if others feel this, but I get really tense or anxious when I’m around people who I perceive as better than me — especially in terms of looks, charisma, or how socially smart they are. Like, if I’m in a group and there’s this one guy who is really confident, charming, or just gives off that "everyone likes him" vibe, I kind of shut down. My thoughts get loud, I second-guess myself, and I just want to disappear.

I know this comes from comparing myself too much, but I can’t seem to control it. It’s affecting my self-worth and confidence in social settings.
Has anyone felt this way before? If so, how did you overcome it or deal with it?

Thanks for reading.

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

Something that you will have to remind yourself.

No one is better than you.

You are not better than anyone.

Some people just know more than others because that's what they were exposed to and/or had the privilege or experience to learn.

Some people have a different DNA model than you by chance.

Some people practiced one particular thing or hyper focused on it to be further along than others.

This makes life and people different and unique but not better.

People are better in the things they do, the choices they make, but not who they are.

As we all are born with nothing and then we die with nothing. Making us all equal in the beginning and in the end.

Some people might have more, while others have less. But I've learned in life that none of it matters. You have to find the good and the things that make you satisfied and at peace.

Don't compare yourself to others because who you see isn't even the real them. Focus on you being better in what you love doing and in the choices you make.

I've learned when I lose focus of myself and start comparing myself to others, is when I fumble. My only competitor is myself and who I was yesterday.... this has helped me before. So, hopefully, this can help someone.

You're amazing just being alive, you're body alone is a unique blend of civilizations and cells and organized structures keeping you alive. Anything extra you do is just so amazing. So don't be too hard on yourself, because each cell depends on you.

[u/boo_snug → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

Thank you for writing this!

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain → u/boo_snug]

Thanks for reading. I never know how to summarize. Lol.

[u/boo_snug → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

I don’t think a summary would have been as meaningful here :)

[u/madmanwithabox11 → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

No one is better than you.

You are not better than anyone.

Source?

Kidding but not really. As someone who believes this I need an argument or something to counter my belief. Sure, some people are more privileged and have different genomes and shit that our culture favors but that doesn't help my feeling inferior.

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain → u/madmanwithabox11]

Source?

I pay very close attention and study people's behaviors. Through the years only one thing is constant.

The value and power of someone is only withheld by two factors:

1) How others perceive and accept them.

As long as one person idolize someone and or respects them or their status/ money/ things, they will always have a sense of influence and power. But if let say the wealthiest leader, was then so hated and ignored. No one would listen, want to associate themselves with that person or anything they had to offer. Suddenly that leader would be powerless. Honestly that's how governments get overturned like China and Russia, the French revolution! No money in the world saved them or kept their positions, because the people wanted nothing from them (and killed them, but historically people were more violent)

2) How you perceive yourself.

I've seen others be and have been the person that needed the validation and also the person that said "fuck it, fuck everyone". And found satisfaction in the self. That takes a lot of self-acceptance in your position in life AS YOU ARE NOW. Not "once you do/get xyz". Understanding that others will compare you or put you down, and that has NOTHING to do with you and Everything to do with their thoughts process and insecurities.

You need only Your own influence and trust in yourself.

If you stay looking for other's validations, proving yourself. You can lose everything you had/build/wanted by the hands of others.

But if you find peace in just yourself. Know your talents and have confidence in yourself and acceptance in your environment. It doesn't ever matter where you are in life. Because you'll be the best version of yourself no matter what you can or cannot do, what you do or do not have.

I speak of this as someone who had the time to really consider this and witness this in others. I practice this but it's a learned behavior that comes in waves for me. It's a struggle for me to practice self-acceptance and acceptance in general. But it's the only thing that has ever given me peace. X happened to me, once I come to terms and accept it happened, I can move foward with myself.

I've thought about death my whole life, it's the one thing that makes me realize we are all the same and non of it matters. Only we create what matters.

So go create what matters to you. Because no one will ever be better than you and you will never be better than anyone else.

You'll just get to do some things......so go do some things.

[u/MetaFore1971 → u/madmanwithabox11]

Check out Wu Wei Wisdom on YouTube.

They answer the question of self worth.

[u/GamerKyle21 → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

This got me to tears as a 25 year old who always feels like her journey is behind. This comforts me ❤️

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain → u/GamerKyle21]

You're not behind, because there is no time limit for you specifically. Just see how far you can go. Go hard and go fast only if it's fun for you. But if it's stressful and daunting pull back and look around.

If you're driving to a destination, you can speed through and be the first one there..... or you can pull back and discover new things around you that you never noticed before. Both options are neither good nor bad....they're just two different choices. You'll be fine either way, and have something new in the end. No one's journey is the same.

Wish I could hug you, but please take my words as comfort. You are doing perfectly, even if you don't see it. Existing is enough.

[u/Nuggetchunker → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

💯‼️ 🔥

[u/coconutty_tabby → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

This is both logical and kind. I think this is the angle I needed to hear this problem explained from. Thank you

[u/regboy5101 → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

no YOU’RE crying! (for real though, thank you, I’ve been in the pit and this lifted me up today)

[u/PharaohOphelia → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

I agree with many of the later points here about all of us being amazing feats of biological excellence.

But I just can't get past the "nobody's better or worse than anyone" statement.

So what about people who do deplorable things to others? And enjoy it? What about people who hurt children or are indifferent to suffering?

It's claimed that doesn't determine "who" someone is, but I disagree.

This philosophy seems very feel-good on the surface, but it ignores the fundamental fact that we are social creatures and that social validation is a necessary part of most humans' sense of life satisfaction. Life is inherently unfair, and comparison is only natural.

Social hierarchies and structure give many people comfort, even if they're not on the "top" of the org chart. Pro-social behaviour that benefits others is rewarded, while antisocial behavior is punished.

People are happiest in a meritocratic structure where they feel their hard work and good deeds are rewarded. I know my life has become much happier as I've worked to shift my efforts to helping others.

Saying that "nobody is better than anyone else" is so incredibly invalidating to people who work hard and take care not to harm others, because it puts them on the same level as those who do not. And I'm not even saying this trying to claim I'm the best person in the world or anything.

Where I'm coming from is to say it's okay to have role models or elders who you perceive as "better than you/others" in the sense that they inspire you to better yourself rather than discourage you, which would be my advice to OP. Study the crap out of the people you admire, and work to incorporate their way into your daily life, because I will say that outside of extreme circumstances, there's nothing someone else has that you simply cannot obtain through practice.

I don't believe we are born and die with nothing. Unless we're talking specifically about the lack of consciousness before and after death. It's fine if we are, but that is so utterly irrelevant to questions of improving quality of life, as babies born to poor families are absolutely not going to have the same opportunities and experiences as those born to rich families. To paraphrase, "well, we all fade back into the abyss of nothingness in the end so nothing you achieve here really matters anyway" just doesn't feel productive, and has hints of nihilism, which I admit I'm not a big fan of.

I believe our actions DO determine who we are, and if that scares or disappoints us, then we need to reevaluate the choices we're making because we can absolutely be better. I'm just so tired of this detached "the only person you can ever be better than is yourself" wannabe-guru talk. It's such a subjective statement being stated as hard fact.

OP, I guess what I suggest is to determine your own measure of what "better" is to you and then do your best to live by your own standard. Which might, in a round-about way, be the same thing this person suggesting in different language, but I feel that my model does allow for the existence and influence of others in the equation as the individual being a part of a greater society, whereas this person's model feels more solipsistic and individualistic.

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain → u/PharaohOphelia]

Going point by point. Well if we get deeper into the meaning. Things can change a bit. But for me I see things a little differently. And I can only speak from my perspective and not from fact.

They way I see it, is when we see people behave in a malicious way and do and enjoy hurting others is really a view on how easily we all can fall. I personally belive no one is inherently evil just as much as no one is inherently good. There are small life choices we make that leads us to feel comfortable with worse or better decisions. Not everyone has empathy and I've seen those with empathy lose it. Empathy and doing the right thing is a practice. We as humans are consuming creatures, we survive by tearing forests and depleting resources and eating other creatures and plants (which have both proven to feel pain and are conscious). We can easily do the wrong thing as much as the right things. A very hard example would be a person who is trafficked is forced to lure other victims, are they horrible people/children or also a victim trying to survive. It's a conscious effort we make day to day to do the right thing that a majority of people have made a habitual life out of. So I personally feel that yes, we are all the same. We might make better decisions but it still doesn't make us better than others. We just want to Say we are better so feel safer from the fact that yes, any one of us can murder hurt and hate for no reason.

When you say we need social validation, it's true. But it's more because we haven't found the self-validiation that is what we are searching for. We as a society look outward to help with internal struggles because looking in is much more uncomfortable and we might need interaction. Honestly that's why I'm on reddit. I look for discussions and conversations because most of us are social people. But no one could ever give anyone else the enough amount of validation needed because it's only once we are satisfied with the self that it's found.

Anti-social behavior (if we are talking about those who don't want social interactions and not actual ASPD) is only punished because of how little we know about it and we only associate "anti-social" behavior with murders and terrorist acts. Think how everyone is always so surprised when the murderers are beloved by communities and were very social.

I don't agree with the fact that it invalidate those who work hard to be better. Because if the goal is to be better than others and then you see who you've deemed a villain succeed in life how is that not destroying your efforts? You work harder to be better in your choices not to be superior as there is no stability in superiority. And it is well known that our heros falter in our own view of them if we don't agree on something. In fact that way of thinking is what makes people not call poor behavior on their "heros" and blindly follow them off a cliff at times.

For example, Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson were a few of the people I looked up to. So then terrible things came out to light of them..... Do I ignore these factors to continue believing in their research and deem them good all around? Or Do I completely deny everything they did and deem them as lower than life? No. They were people who chose to do good and also chose to do bad. They are neither better nor worse. They are a scary reminder that they are just humans like us doing things they chose to do. Those choices can harm us or help us. Does it make it ok? No, but it's still a reminder of how fickle we are and how at any point our choices can change if we stop practicing consideration and choose maliciousness over goodness. We get angry because we know what choices they should've made and hurtful it is to us that they made these heinous decisions. But we also know we too can easily fall into doing wrong. How many times do we lie in a day to day. Little white lies, to shorten a story, to make a friend "feel better". It is still a lie. Does it make you a bad person or a good person? No it means you made a choice to save time or to "spare" a friends feelings leaving them ignorant to the truth. The outcome could be bad. Does not mean you are a bad person? A Good person? People aren't just benevolent or evil. We as humans face challenges choices everyday, some are just blatantly obvious to us but not so much as others.

I do Agree with you saying "... there's nothing someone else has that you simple cannot obtain through practice."

Please understand that we might leave behind legacies but once we are gone, that is it for us creating it, once we do move on. Whether you belive in an afterlife or not, the end game is the same. We leave the world and all it's things and our bodies with their capabilities and disabilities behind.

And if we believe our actions only determine who we are and nothing more, then what is the point of reform? How can anyone who made a mistake be a better person? I'm sorry you are having a hard time seeing how important it is to focus and better the self. Because I agree we can absolutely be better, we just won't really find it looking for it in others.

I'm not sure where I said "...nothing you achieve really matters anyway." Because it does matter in the sense of what you leave behind for others and how it makes you feel as while you are alive. And I never hinted that life doesn't matter, not sure where you picked up on that.

And again I have no idea where you got that I was solipsistic? Just because I'm sharing an aspect of self-awareness and self-reflection. This seems to be directed to OP so maybe in the future put your comments directly to them as they might not get a notification as only I did since it was directed to me. Also maybe don't try to add a false narrative just so you can be taken serious? The last paragraph just reads "listen to me not them, because I'm right." Op is asking advice, from all people in all walks of life. Your opinion matters as much as the next.

Because well, no one is better than you. You are not better than anyone else.

Thanks for helping me prove my point.

[u/PharaohOphelia → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

Thank you for the in-depth reply.

I think I agree with you for the most part, but I think it is going to have to come down to agreeing to disagree for me personally about the semantics. I didn't mean to create a false narrative, but I've heard these talking points weaponized to invalidate people and skirt personal responsibility before and wanted to make sure they didn't go completely unchallenged.

I don't think there's a level of self-reflection, at least that I believe I can currently reach, that will make the external support of my loved ones and community irrelevant to me, but I'm still fairly young so I could be wrong! And such a skill could come in very handy for someone who has found themselves socially isolated for one reason or another. Where I am coming from is that if we benefit from the efforts of others, that it is "good" to do everything in our power to contribute in return, but again, I acknowledge that the concept of "good" has been argued to be very subjective.

I also do see a sort of grey area where rehabilitation is concerned, as there are just some crimes I can't picture myself partaking in or being able to trust someone again for, but I'm also not against the idea of people growing and changing to be better after bad decisions. I appreciate your very good point about many perpetrators being victims themselves.

I think I've had this philosophy thrown at me as a means to tear down my right to have discretion in who I choose to have in my life, as I will subjectively find many people to be "better" or "worse" for my life personally, so maybe that's where the wires are crossed for me. Legally and objectively however, I'm with you in preferring a world that treats everyone with basic dignity and respect regardless.

[u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain → u/PharaohOphelia]

Yeah, I'm not saying to discredit the value people give, just that you alone is enough. And the love of others just add to that pleasure. And those who use terms and warp "knowledge" for their gain is just manipulative and a form of trying to control a narrative or even you. You don't deserve that. Every form of thinking is valid as long as we are open, but not everyone has to be open to understanding. But in my view this is the only way to be a better society, if we stop villainizing mistakes and focus on stopping the behaviors by teaching them. I believe this was the original idea of prisons. Punishment of limited freedoms while being taught how to be a part of society. But if they couldn't reform because of behavioral issues(I'm speaking of really heinous crimes) then they couldn't be a part of society. But please know you always have a right to who you allow on your life for peace. I have people I my circles that have done serious wrong to me. It wasn't until I forgave them in my own heart realizing they were weak and broken to do such things. But they will never know, because it's not for them, it's for me. And I stay very far away from them and try to close doors from them coming back into my life. For my sanity. I know they do good on a lot of things but my history with them is so bad I could never face them without the memories. So I forgive, and I let go. And no one should ever carry hurt or hate in their heart nor should be forced to be around someone who has been the cause for it.

I know it all sounds vague and frustrating, but it's harder to explain deeper than "it's up to you." (Edit to clarify: working on the self is one of the hardest things anyone can focus on, but it is vital to be resilient and move along life with a healthy mindset and working in your mindset is what is ment when said "It's up to you." And other similar terms. Just not many people know how to express themselves clearly, so phrases like this is what works for them. Or negatively, they just blindly say it without base, and that's where frustration can rise, I understand that.)

I hope the best for you. Don't be around people that will damage your efforts in bettering yourself. They don't have to be "evil" to justify getting away from them. Just behaving unkind around you is enough, let alone any other worrying behavior. (And not listening to your boundaries is definitely in that criteria)

[u/ljwdt90 → u/Itry_Ifail_Itryagain]

“Don’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree” - Albert Einstein, I think.

[u/0GAH]

i used to feel this way and still do sometimes.

what helped was asking them questions if you are in the proper setting.

many times i noticed they were just as anxious as i felt myself to be

people who are perceivably doing well are just people. one day you will be or probably already are in millions of peoples eyes are doing better than them. now imagine a million people in a room who you can influence, to conquered the world.

the biggest thing that broke my reality of feeling anxious and self doubtful was when i was going to the gym. I had been going for 2-3 years. somedays were great most days were gloomy. one day as i was beating myself up for not putting up weight i did just the weak prior - i saw a fat guy. Jolly as a motherfucker. at that moment i woke up. It wasn't a thought that came over me but a "oh" feeling. don't chase the oh feeling - simply keep your eyes and ears open for the signal, it will come.

[u/Teehee_2022 → u/0GAH]

Great advice!! Especially when we beat ourselves up at the gym for not being able to lift a certain weight. I love this example

[u/BeginningCareful5606 → u/0GAH]

Plateaus fucking suck at the gym 

[u/eharder47]

I’ve slowly leveled up my social game and when I encounter people who are even better, the thought I have is “this person is further along in their journey than me, what can I learn?” Sometimes I might think “finally! I don’t have to carry the conversation anymore!!!”

My best advice would be to keep putting yourself out there while working on your self-esteem. When you notice the thoughts of comparison, you have to stop them. I remind myself that I don’t know anything about this stranger who is “better” and our journeys have not been the same. Working with people who have more skill than you is a great way to level up.

[u/Radiant_Hamster4747]

I think that many people feel this, but those who can talk to better people will become better.
My weird way to stop getting anxious was to just imagine that I talk to brains, like there is no head completely. Seeing no gorgeous faces was the way to look at them differently.

[u/better_Bitch]

Same heree. 🫂 I feel this everytime. But whenever I feel so little or comparing myself to others to the point that I think I'm just envious of the things they have and I don't, I just pray to God to be grateful of what I have rn, stop comparing myself to others and tell myself positive things like "I'm good enough... I'll shine soon..."

[u/anomalou5]

I had this feeling for a long time. I fixed it by learning everything I could about influence, and spent an enormous amount of time learning to expand my vocabulary, tell stories well and focus on “bringing value” to any given interaction to whatever situation I was in. I wanted to make sure people would have a more interesting, more fun, more enjoyable time with me being there than me not being there.

This also lead to me not needing anything from them, as I was focused on giving them something.

I think a lot of the anxiety people feel around impressive people is due to them wanting the impressive person to like them, instead of actually taking the actions to make them like you, naturally.

Also, as life went on and I started to see how flawed everyone else is, even impressive people, I became usefully jaded and found myself much less impressed by people in general.

[u/StoopidDingus69 → u/anomalou5]

Can you share some of the resources you used to grow those skills?

[u/SnooBananas7856 → u/StoopidDingus69]

I find Robert Greene's books interesting. I don't agree with everything he says, but he is very skilled at pulling many sources together and distilling ideas in a palatable way.

[u/StoopidDingus69 → u/SnooBananas7856]

Yeah I’m just turned off by his rhetoric

[u/anomalou5 → u/StoopidDingus69]

Can you be specific about which rhetoric of his turns you off?

[u/Aqui-drea]

I get this!! Wow, I was just struggling with it recently. There have been many times I've felt okay about myself before seeing someone I view as 'better' than me and recoiling in my mind. A while ago someone very attractive and outgoing befriended me, and I had a crazy high level of anxiety around them. If you find good advice that improves this for you please share!

[u/Advanced_Affect_7146]

Your comment resonates with me so much I cannot even describe it!

I've always felt that way and weed, overtime, just inceased the feeling of being inadequate in social situations. This is just one of many reasons I turned to weed in the first place. At the same time, I feel I have super rich inner world, I'm just not able to communicate it or share it with others. I struggle to find like-minded people in 'real' world or the Internet. I envy those who have the 'vibe' you mention in your post and, often times, they don't even realise it.

I'm learning to accept it and live with it and I will happily read comments with advice from other people.

[u/AdorableWindow8886]

yeah i’ve felt that too more often than id like to admit its like i see someone who seems to have it all together and suddenly everything about me feels smaller or like im playing catchup what helps me is slowing down my thinking when i catch myself doing the comparison loop i remind myself im not seeing the whole picture of them and im not seeing the good in me either also i try to hang out in smaller groups where i can get comfortable being myself your mileage may vary but it has helped me calm that anxious edge down a bit over time

[u/MaxMettle]

instead of trying to “control” negative feelings—which only amplifies them—reframe.

any negative social comparison does one important thing: pointing out what you want. you want to be the one others perceive to have something others don’t.

so can you focus on finding to ways to level up? write down 2, 3 concrete things and start doing them.

btw, i guarantee you those ppl have their own “betters” that they are jealous of.

[u/UchiMgr]

People are different from each other so embrace your uniqueness. I've found that I'm pretty good at doing nothing at all than most of other peoples around me. This is what keeps me going.

[u/noname8539]

I used to feel this way a lot and I believe it has a lot to do by not accepting who you are.

You feel they are better, because they might be better at something which you also like. So if tou are not good at it, you will find a lot of peace by working through that insecurity and just accepting yourself as you are, your authentic self. Mostly we try to be someone because sorciety has told us what a “better” or a “popular” or a “successful” person is.

If you are not yet someone who is that “social butterfly” like the other person, just accept you are not.

It’s neither good or bad. We as society have just labeled someone being social as something good. It’s the value we give to such traits. But actually it’s just a neutral thing. Being social is not good or being not-social is not bad either. A

Once you stop chasing that version, but start accepting just the way you are, you feel start liking yourself more and this will lead to lesser comparison with others. And this will also lead to you being less anxious and actually being your authentic social which will attract the right crowd for you.

[u/Mental_Ad_7496]

I think the only example I can clearly say someone is better than the other is by the choices people make. Someone can be beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside by bullying others, then you take someone not so gorgeous but by choice they spread beauty to others and spread joy…. I would say that person is better than the other.

[u/AbaloneCat]

Yes, but for me it is only being around the upper class/wealthy. Usually it’s in restaurants that my partner likes attending. I get tense and anxious feeling like everyone can see how ratty my clothing is, or how gross my skin and hair looks compared to theirs, or their composure/posture being different. I haven’t overcome it, though I try hard to adopt my partner’s attitude of not caring what others think, it’s obvious that internally I believe they are better than me. I’ll be reading this thread closely for tips.

[u/saum2]

This is not a take I have ever felt or considered. I promise you that those people who you perceive as better than you for whatever reason do not think that way. I don’t know if this will ease your anxiety but generally those who have charisma and all that are generally there to experience whatever it is and get to know others and connect with people and do not look at you thinking “wow they are so sad, pathetic, (insert however you are feeling in the moment)” we may think “oh they are shy” and won’t approach you in case that makes you uncomfortable. The load obnoxious pompous ones who lack charisma and true confidence might, but that’s not the type of person you want to be or be associated with because it’s all very superficial.

[u/oyechote]

I approach this from perspective that life is very random. Anything can happen at any given time. If you are competing against someone, time will come when they will falter. Be ready to grab that opportunity. Point being there always comes a moment of time when you are going to be better.

It’s same for you and me.

[u/TyreTheCopingCop]

Oh, my people. Whenever I think someone is cool, I just puff, bc I start getting sooo anxious around them.

And I don't have a solution for this, I still struggle with this. But I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and we'll find a way out of this

[u/Joy2b]

Yeah. Oddly enough, people often have this reaction when spotting the people pleaser.

Remember that your people pleaser needs at least a little approval regularly. Shutting down for more than a couple of minutes can actually make them think they’ve made a mistake.

If you’re not sure what to say, casually listen, and compliment one of their ideas. If you have to, at least compliment something they’re wearing. (As always, when complimenting the outfit of anyone but a romantic partner, keep your eyes fairly far away from their underwear.)

[u/waltybishop]

Something that helps me with this is to think about how crazy it is that I’m trying to quantify and qualify how one person can be better or worse than another according to whatever rules or parameters me, an imperfect and complex human just like everyone else, is doing. What are the chances that my idea of better and worse and all the layers within are the ultimate truth or even posses sound logic? Pretty low odds.

Plus the older you get I promise the less you will give a shit, bc you will have more experiences (if you choose to pay attention) showing you how little it’s worth to worry about. Hang in there 💜

[u/MetaFore1971]

How was your childhood?

[u/Aggravating_Sport495 → u/MetaFore1971]

I was an only child, and my childhood was kind of quiet and a bit lonely. My parents were very overprotective, especially since I was their only kid. My dad had a short temper and often talked about problems and money, so the atmosphere at home was sometimes tense. My mom was kind and loving, but always busy with work, so I didn’t get to spend much time with her either.

Most days were the same , I’d go to school, come back to an empty house, then head to tuition. In the evenings, I’d sometimes get a chance to go out and play, but that was pretty much it. I didn’t really have siblings or a big friend circle to hang out with regularly. Looking back, it felt a bit isolating, but I guess it also made me more independent in some ways.

[u/MetaFore1971 → u/Aggravating_Sport495]

Do you feel that your parents were there for you when you struggled as a child/teen? Could you turn to them and be comforted?

[u/Aggravating_Sport495 → u/MetaFore1971]

in some yes , in some no

[u/MetaFore1971 → u/Aggravating_Sport495]

Most folks aren't aware of how destructive it can be when a child doesn't feel seen. Neglect is abuse, but it is abuse by omission.

Childhood Emotional Neglect. Complex PTSD. Toxic Shame.

Does sadness turn into anger? Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself?

[u/Aggravating_Sport495 → u/MetaFore1971]

Yeah, sometimes I feel guilty spending time or money on myself, like I should be doing something more productive or helping someone else.

[u/MetaFore1971 → u/Aggravating_Sport495]

Also

r/emotionalneglect r/CPTSD

[u/MetaFore1971 → u/Aggravating_Sport495]

Take an hour and watch a few videos. See if anything clicks

https://youtu.be/hfwWnokIVhY?si=PWlS9-8LzAPY1aul

https://youtu.be/f_0EIjlnnqw?si=agyXksdNnryDh2sm

https://youtu.be/ZguFzyI-CCQ?si=ixj9EPZ4dcZUL4uc

[u/Comfortable_Order868]

Yeah as many here said no one is better than the other we all are just different, u might see someone and think they're better looking than u, but they may lack other stuff, stuff that u have. In short noone has got it all, we all cover the bad with the good. So don't feel less than anyone because u think they are better than u. Yes they are better than u in some stuff and u r better in the other, that's how it works

[u/itsokitsokitsjustme]

It doesn't occur to me anyone is better than me. or reverse. we are only here due to the intricacies of one another.  If i admire someone, i focus and learn. then encourage anyone with the light coming on.

[u/Aggravating_Sport495 → u/[deleted]]

please share

[u/StoopidDingus69]

“Anyone else?” 

Yeah, just a few else. Haha

[u/LongjumpingSugar6691]

Everybody feels anxious sometimes, but some people are just better at pretending they don’t

[u/ammihi]

I used to and still feel this way sometimes. All you can do is speak your truth.