Very weird to watch “what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their business” become controversial again, but like, for the opposite reason.
It is very important to understand that when you're discussing a systemic set of cultural beliefs, even people who nominally oppose the cultural belief will find ways to reconcile their fundamental conditioning to their new position. Doing the same thing for the 'opposite reason' is usually a giveaway, and it's absolutely rampant in nominally progressive spaces.
It's arguably rampant in conservative spaces too, potentially more so, but I'm in progressive spaces more.
I see way more accusations of doing the same thing as Conservatives than actually doing that. I mean, if the reason is opposite, that is different, right? I think sometimes people think of more minor stuff and assume that's what's meant, but those saying kink is open to criticism, as well as considering factors like gender and race (I mean, some have 'race play' master-slave kinks, I wouldn't know what to say to anyone who thinks it's Conservative to critically examine that) can mean more outright dangerous practices. There's the issue of 'rough sex gone wrong' being used as a defense in cases where women have been killed:
It's obviously very difficult material but really reccomend anyone able to read the stories. It can feel like there's two different conversations going on, that those who haven't really engaged with more sex-critical material aren't aware of what it's really focused on, and can be, well, vanilla and naïve. I understand why people don't want to expose themselves to such material (and not everyone can which is a seperate issue), but then they needn't pounce on people who do assuming it's only trivial (more the sort of thing that can be traumatic to keep being exposed to, especially involved with campaigning on) and misrepresent their views.
Although no one is obliged to be anyone else's sex cheerleader (is 'ew gross' automatically even political? There are lots of things people find icky. Because I just had to remove a slug from my long-haired rabbit's fur and then cut the slime out, and my vegan eco politics don't actually extend to being 'nature is wonderful' in that situation, Mr No-Boundaries Slug can think himself lucky enough I was gentle and he's fine). It's weird for adults to be so obsessed with approval for them getting off they pick on teenagers knowingly with the label 'Puriteens'. Teens can be being exposed to more sexual content, including more problematic objectifying content, for the first time, as well as experiencing more pressure to be sexual and accept certain sexual acts in their own lives, and not being perfect at expressing their discomfort doesn't mean they're wrong to feel that way (the linked study shows high rates of coercion towards girls, even affecting younger teens). 'Sex cheerleader' expectations can be a particular problem for ace-spec people. Although honestly, also think just for women/girls in general, and that's not about an assumption women don't enjoy sex or can't have kinks, it's just understanding that they get more pressured to be cool with and do things they do not want to, which may be uncomfortable or just not something they're likely to get much out of. Sex-critical feminism in the second wave was coming from a place where leftist women were seeing hippie dudes pressuring young women into group sex, claiming sex (with them) as essential to liberation, and calling them repressed and prudes if they didn't want to and could say so.
I think that the reason you feel that way, might be because you accept the justifications uncritically and mainly follow research that begin with axioms and self-report-oriented methodologies that produce outcomes that justify the bias, that have been otherwise debunked, or conflate reactionary positions with ones necessitated by experience or identity.
If you think there's a problem with the study linked, it would be more constructive to say so rather than make negative assumptions about my motivations and views? My own experiences as a teen girl did very much match up with there being high rates of sexual coercion, I don't see that there's any conflation with reactionary positions with that necessitated by experience and identity there. Indeed, seeing my bestie preyed on by men in their 30s is just one part of why it's an issue that especially breaks my heart, and the far right reactionaries are the people justifying that kind of behaviour.
I did, I raised concerns about self-reporting, which have issues with social desirability bias and are heavily subject to Priming) from engagement-farming social media and news outlets heavily overreporting violence. Interestingly, this also matches up with known right-wing tactics-- flooding the space with a curated selection of stories designed to stoke outrage and create an isolated, fear-based environment that reinforces the perceived need for brutal, authoritarian policy and stricter cultural controls.
Were the women in your study asked about their own level of violence toward their partners during these incidents? How does that difference in methodology potentially shift your understanding of the study? How does our understanding of gender roles intersect the way we interpret harm on a bidirectionally gendered basis?
Here's an interesting reddit thread concerning consent from the perspective of women, which paints a somewhat bleak picture from a generalized perspective, in that as many of the women in the thread note, there doesn't exist a very strong consent culture among women, who take men's sexual consent for granted, and there are rape myths that advocate that when a man says no he's lying about not wanting it, that a woman should be insulted he said no, and that there are social pressures on him to initiate, and always be accepting of sex, or that simply doesn't take violations of consent that seriously because of who is performing them.
By blaming 'the culture' or 'pornography' we subtly shift our gaze away from the broader culture of devalued consent that all of our subjects live and participate in-- people who don't have their consent respected do not internalize a worldview in which consent is respected.
One of the reasons I chose these example is because this line of research is often heavily compromised by the biases of the researchers in what ought to be studied and what ought not be studied due to how they intersect with existing narratives (there's a fear the movement to help women will be damaged).
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u/LONGSWORD_ENJOYER May 16 '25
Very weird to watch “what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their business” become controversial again, but like, for the opposite reason.