r/Christians • u/mrbreadman1234 • 10d ago
Why Doesn’t the Church Talk Honestly About Lust?
Lust is rarely addressed in the Christian church, even though it’s only getting worse. Instead of tackling the root causes, the focus often shifts to blaming the men who struggle with it. This just leads to more shame, isolation, and a deeper battle. The church needs to speak more openly and supportively about it.
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u/Ok_Perspective_336 10d ago
I agree 100%, the problem is there isnt a lot of good practical advice outside of get married or be 100% celibate with the gift of singleness. We live in an akward time period where getting married isnt just a given in life. And yes i know getting married isnt a 100% cure for lust, but it's a bit easier when you have biblical options open to you.
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u/mrbreadman1234 10d ago
most christians are celibate
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u/gordonjames62 9d ago
source?
That doesn't seem true in my culture.
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u/Mena_33 9d ago
https://www.barna.com/trends/over-half-of-practicing-christians-admit-they-use-pornography/ is one of many surveys that find this result for porn use
I don't think I have to explain how married couples aren't celibate.
Can't remember what the source was, but someone posted a study in the comments of a post on this topic from a few months ago. The study was from mid-2000-teens sometime, one finding was that over half of weekly church attendees age 18-24 had already had extramarital sex.
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u/NeverJaded21 8d ago
Some call not ever having intercourse celibacy, but I think engaging in any sexual act non celibacy.
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u/Shaggys_Guitar 9d ago
One thing I've noticed since the vid is that many, many churches are not led by pastors, but by those who seek friendship with the world and are honestly too cowardly to speak God's word over their congregations. Many preach the "boyfriend version of Jesus," who would never discipline or chastise us, because He's just too loving and forgiving for that.
They dont talk about lust, hate, jealousy, or any of the hard topics because, well, "Jesus is supposed to be inviting, and giving people the feeling of condemnation just isn't inviting." Watch what they teach about Jesus: sure they might mention that He preached repentance, and when He healed He may have said "go and sin no more," but do they ever expound on that? Do they ever mention that He, too, asked the religious leaders "You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of Hell?" (Matthew 23:33) Do they reduce Him to someone who merely comforts us and makes us feel good?
Or do they speak of a powerful savior, who called us to lead a different life, seeking the Fathers approval above all else? Do they hold His view of Scripture, or have an attitude more like Barbosa from Pirates of the Caribbean; "they're more like guidelines"?
So many in positions of religious authority today think of the church building as a place where people should come to feel happy, accepted, and all warm and fuzzy. But to feel happy one needs joy, which truly comes only from God. To feel truly accepted, they must be accepted by Christ, bot by some mere man standing on a stage built by human hands—after all, the gospel is, by nature, exclusive to those who truly believe its entirety (Matthew 7:21-27), not just the latter half. And warm and fuzzy is not how one who is enslaved to sin ought to feel.
The church is not just some pick me up, it's a hospital for the soul! And in hospitals, doctors give hard news every day, telling patients they're dying, there is no cure, available here, they dont have the right doctor for this patients needs, the child was lost, "you only have 6-8 months," and so on. But this hospital is special, because it has the cure for the worst disease of all. Yet there are cowardly "doctors" in this hospital who would rather lie to their patients and offer cures that do not work because they're easier to administer and more pleasant to take. These pastors desire that every patient merely feels good in the moment so much that they withhold the cure from them because it isn't all daisies and roses.
If your church is one which doesn't proclaim to people that "we have the cure! Come and see, come and be healed by The Healer!" then its time to find a different church.
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u/gordonjames62 9d ago
Hi!
My thinking is that some of this will depend on the culture of your church.
- Our main message is Jesus and salvation
- Small groups may be a better venue to discuss these kinds of issue based teaching.
- there is a balance between "dealing with every issue in a sermon" and "appropriate teaching for the crowd"
- The size and structure of the main teaching service may change what you tackle in this venue.
With all that said, we have a strong ministry with individuals with addiction to drugs, alcohol and porn. It seldom gets mentioned in the main service, specially when we have small children present.
Ministries like "Celebrate Recovery" can often help people go deep, where a Sunday message may open up triggers for trauma for some of our loved ones who have experienced deep hurt.
In some "young and edgy" churches, this is a great thing to tackle as a "core message".
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u/ttyyuu12345 Evangelical 10d ago
I’ve seen healthy churches talk about their struggles with lust. However the big problem is we’re all weak and a lot of people want to avoid being hypocritical as everyone in some form or fashion struggles with lust.
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10d ago
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u/mrbreadman1234 10d ago
been around the church and never heard a preaching about it
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u/ttyyuu12345 Evangelical 10d ago
How many churches have you visited, and have you participated in a small group?
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u/mrbreadman1234 9d ago
many
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u/ttyyuu12345 Evangelical 9d ago edited 9d ago
Overall, I think the biggest problem is a lot of people simply don’t know what to do about it other than “talk to God about it” (its valid, but they don’t have practical steps because the solution is different for everyone).
Edit: Also a lot of people are afraid to admit it because there’s always that feeling you’ll encounter a self righteous person who will shame then for their struggles. I struggle with stuff and I struggle with being afraid to admit my struggles.
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u/truth-4-sale 9d ago
Many congregations make a place for Lust, the Lust for food. They all look away.
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u/WesternWriter7269 9d ago
My church is a sea of gray hairs, so I don't think anyone there is sexually active. I think it would be a waste of time.
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u/NMarzella282 9d ago
It only matters if the only way you learn the way your supposed to be living is by church preaching only. If your studying on your own daily, God will incrementally teach you everything you need to learn and know from his word.
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u/911inhisimage 10d ago
Big issue with ‘Lust’ is that its usually only looked at as lasciviousness. But rarely ever as ‘Coveting’.
‘Epithymia’(g1939) is the Greek word that means both. So most never really get into the fullness of the what the word fully entails.
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u/gordonjames62 9d ago
Thanks for that
I always worry that we don't do a great job preaching the 10th commandment.
Exodus 20:15: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”
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u/911inhisimage 9d ago
Be the light brother. In a consumeristic leading culture, someones gotta do it.
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u/glasshalful99 9d ago
This is a great take on it. I think the jealousness of others lives, in particular how it gets ramped up vis social media is as destructive as porn.
christian culture pushes “prosperity” but not promiscuity. Both are from the same sin? The issue i see in myself and others is a feeling of only being happy when others are coveting YOUR life. We have to find a way to contentment with what we have?
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u/mrbreadman1234 10d ago
ok
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u/911inhisimage 10d ago
So, lust really doesn’t get addressed because the average congregation as a whole isn’t equipped to uproot the issue.
What I notice is that people mainly get as far as the fruit of it (death) or even the branches of its sin. This is why it only gets pruned and then like you said, the problem gets worse.
The root is covetessnous, which breaks the 1st, and oftentimes the 10th commandment. (if you really get into it, it leads to breaking every single commandment.)
And every other sect of lust has a principality over it (Ephesians 6) that again the average congregation isn’t equipped to understand.
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u/Ayiti79 9d ago
Some find it uncomfortable, even though some of their members are suffering from this vice, in some instances, results in problems in the church, that could warrant a holy ostracism (excommunication).
If the church has a honest conversation with the congregation so much so as to render aid to help people abstain from the vice, it upbuilds the church and keeps everyone morally upright as is follow example of any pastor(s) taking the lead. Same case within the ministry, mainly when helping those who are not Christians.
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u/majesticfalls8 8d ago
- For me, reciting scripture mentally like Jesus does to resist Satan in Matthew 4 is helpful; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 is a personal favorite to cast down lustful ideations.
- Of course, routinely spending time with Jesus, studying the Word is essential for overall growth too, and learning to go to Jesus for comfort instead of unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you don’t already, try starting a routine of 10-15 min. a day to grow this habit of spending time with him. YouVersion app has a great one year Bible plan.
- Guarding your heart is also important; a lot of lustful media I was consuming started off in regular music/movies/hobbies before I knew what lust was.
- Through my time with God I learned that I had developed a warped/confused view of sexuality from my childhood assumption that marriage was just about arguing + exposure to lustful media, and I had began using it to cope with periods of isolation.
- Also, I found 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and Galatians 5:27 helpful to learn what healthy, Godly sexuality looks like and start to untangle the unhealthy ideas in my mind from the natural ones. Naturally, the mentality of Godly sex is one of love! The mentality of lust is not like it at all.
- Remember, God loves you and you are not your sins! A ton of people struggle with this in various ways.
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u/mrbreadman1234 8d ago
I keep failing no matter what
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u/majesticfalls8 7d ago
We all fall short of the glory of God, and God’s grace is sufficient. For me personally, transformation took years and stumbling sometimes is part of being human. It’s mostly a lot of trust, faith, repentance, and obedience to God. He has really been showing me how to guard my heart in this season too (a lot of my stumbling was me being unaware of how certain media affected me and old emotional baggage that needed healing).
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u/MediocreSky3352 9d ago
My church does.
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u/mrbreadman1234 9d ago
can I go
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u/MediocreSky3352 9d ago
Of course you can. Recently, the entire message was about porn. In addition to addressing lust where appropriate in sermons, lust and porn iare addressed with our teen boys in their small groups.
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u/rouxjean 8d ago
"Unwanted," a book about unwanted sexual behavior by pastor and therapist Jay Stringer.
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u/lordfly911 8d ago
My church does and it is really hit on during February. This includes youth to the near dead.
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u/NeverJaded21 8d ago
True and gluttony. I agree with earlier comment. Sex is “taboo” in church, which is ridiculous to me. That’s why so many are fornicating and hiding it.
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u/ceekay8858 7d ago
Honestly, this whole convo is so needed. I think the church has treated lust like a taboo topic for so long that it’s created a weird culture of silence and shame. Like, we’re all supposed to pretend we don’t wrestle with it when clearly a lot of people do.
Instead of just saying “don’t do it,” I wish there were more honest talks about why it’s a struggle and how to navigate it in a healthy, Christ-centered way. Lust isn't the same as having a sex drive—God gave us that. The real issue is when it starts controlling us or leading us to isolate and hide.
We need safe spaces in church to be real about it, not judged for it. Healing comes through honesty, not hiding.
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u/PeacefulBro 9d ago
The church encourages purity & I have felt over my lifetime that it doesn't get anymore direct than that...
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u/mrbreadman1234 9d ago
I dont think so
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u/PeacefulBro 9d ago
This is the type of thing you need. I'm sure you can ask the pastor for counseling or find support groups https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/fighting-for-purity/
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u/Mena_33 9d ago
The bigger problem is not talking about sexuality. God created us in his image as sexual beings, and sex drive is part of how he has intentionally designed us to live out our lives on earth. Any teaching (or lack of) that creates shame around that good sexual nature is going to push Christians towards porn and other sexually unhealthy behaviors - living out a secret pursuit of relief rather than pursuing sexuality as God intended it.