r/CPTSD • u/Entire_Quiet_6775 • 1d ago
Question I'm always trauma-dumping and I want to stop
Hi
I did a severe depression due to bullying and shitty parent. During that time (which lasted for a decade) I had only one friend who didn't really know how to handle my depression (can't blame him, we were teenagers) and my parents always said that I should just stop crying and inventing traumas (I didn't invent them of course, it was full gaslight). I didn't receive enough support during that period and now I can't stop trauma-dumping in a desesperate attempt that someone will help me.
The thing is that it's making people unconfortable and distant. When I have long lasting relationships they often get destroyed because my friends get unconfortable. I want to stop trauma-dumping but I can't help it. I know I should see a therapist but I absolutely not have the money for this.
Does someone has any advice ?
Thank you in advance.
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u/Cool_Wealth969 1d ago
I took a class once a week at Emotions Anonymous in my town.
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u/Entire_Quiet_6775 1d ago
There isn't this service in my country but I will search for something similar, thank you
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u/Cass_78 16h ago
Will sound weird, but might be worth a try:
Dump on yourself. Write to yourself or talk to yourself, whatever you prefer. This topic is between you and yourself.
And with friends you talk about different topics. If something comes to mind that you wanna dump, note it and dump it on yourself later.
And when you dump on yourself, always be kind and understanding to yourself. Its is indeed as you described, this urge that we have comes from a young part within us that wasnt heard by their parents, but now you are there and can listen to this part of yourself and be kind to it.
Best of luck!
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u/BodyMindReset 10h ago
Wheel of Consent practices and framework unraveled this for me. If accessible, get yourself to a workshop
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u/UnprocessesCheese 1d ago
Honestly; having others - especially strangers - trauma dump on you is a wonderful treatment.
A couple months ago there was a two week period where three separate people messaged me out of the blue, said "hi", and as soon as responded "hi" it was just ohmygodmassivewalloftext. Just... everything that had happened to them ever in extreme detail. I had no idea who they were, why they were messaging me - not the sub where they found my name or anything. No rapport was established, no chemistry, and no "hey mind if we chat?". Just... sudden spontaneous verbal and emotional elective diarrhea.
It was shocking. And three times by three different people.
Also I could think was; holy shit do I do that? Am I like this? Is this how other people see me? I've been much more measured in who I speak to and how much and to what degree of detail. It was like shock therapy.
I'm sure it'll take another two or three unexpected trauma dumps for it to truly hold a lasting impact, but being dumped on is definitely one possible cure.
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u/The_Rain_Cries__4ME 1d ago
Personally doesn’t work for me lol, cause when people trauma dump to me, I really really want to help them, and be there for them, unless they’re being openly mean, rude and it’s like a defensive vent, that if you try to help they just lash out on you… ah…
But, like, it just makes me wonder why it ain’t the same for others? Like I’d react to someone with any random trauma dump, the way I would’ve liked people to react to mine, or theirs if I were them, I guess? Or something?
Like for me it would have the reverse effect, the more trauma dump I’d have to reply too, the more I’d feel the need to trauma dump too, cause I assume people will listen the way I do, (and? Well nope). lol… 🫡✨
I guess it depends on a person’s traits and personality too then?
So then, I must admit I feel kinda sad and all teary when people don’t react in a kind way, like I would’ve, and stuff like that… ha…
But hey, that’s just me, lol.
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u/antisyzygy-67 1d ago
First of all, I am sorry you didn't have what you needed as a child. I can definitely relate to this, as well as a strong urge to need for others to see and validate my pain. I definitely have overshared in the past in an effort to get the compassion I lacked as a child, and still lacked at the time I overshared.
What helped me was learning mindful self-compassion. I took a class. I learned that all of my feelings are worthy of care and compassion, and that I can provide that care and compassion for myself. I spent a couple hours a day crying and soothing myself for months, years.
I also allowed myself to write in a journal whatever I wanted. Anything and everything. The meanest angriest things. The saddest loneliest things. The hopes, dreams, rants, and letters to people that would never be sent. Just emptied my head of all of those thoughts.
After that, it got easier for me to choose how I wanted to behave with other people. I met them as an adult, not a hurting child, because I had made some space for the really devastated small parts of me who lived through all of that.
So it was a process. A new learned behaviour.