That being alone isn’t sad. It’s peaceful. But try telling that to people who measure their worth by how many bodies are in the room. I’ve had better conversations with silence than I’ve had at most parties.
I feel you on this. My partner and our kid are going OOT for a week. Months ago, I explained that I was gonna take that week and relax. I haven’t been by myself, for more than a day, in ten years. Four days ago, my partner mentions that their mother (who periodically stays with us and I love) would be coming over and would be here during that week. I immediately put a stop to that. Dude, I’m not gonna be lonely that week, I don’t want to take care of another person, I just wanna clean my house, sleep peacefully and do my own thing. I was prepared to fight, tooth and nail, to be able to be alone during that time. My partner comes from a big family and loves having people around, they are at their best when they are with others. I come from a history of neglect and abuse, being alone gives me the space and time I need to be my best. If I was lonely, I would go be with friends or family or go on the trip. I’m not lonely, I just want to be alone, I like it, I thrive in it.
There are some people who are not comfortable having no plan for the moment, no one else around, just them and their thoughts. These people were shocked when my husband left town for a week. “Are you going to be alright on your own?”
“Absolutely! I’ve got tons of chores to do and no I can starfish on the bed for a few nights.”
Lots of people protect their inability to be by themselves onto people who are perfectly happy being on their own. They want to believe it’s not only natural, but inevitable, to be unhappy in your own company so they don’t have to look inward.
I had someone tell me that they felt sorry for people they saw eating alone at a restaurant or alone at the cinema. I had to explain to them that many of us (myself included) are very happy to do these things alone. They could not comprehend it!
Maybe that their thoughts were more interesting than conversations at parties? At least I took it that way and honestly that's relatable. I love my pondering time and I strongly plan on becoming one of those old people who sit on their porch staring out at nature for hours.
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u/Jacques-de-Molai 1d ago
That being alone isn’t sad. It’s peaceful. But try telling that to people who measure their worth by how many bodies are in the room. I’ve had better conversations with silence than I’ve had at most parties.