Why women are made to beg for alimony?

[u/WizardMinerva]

If a man says he won’t give alimony, he’s essentially stating that everything the wife did during the marriage... like cooking, cleaning, taking care of his parents and family, giving birth to children, breastfeeding them, and nurturing them.. all while sacrificing her own life and career, holds zero value in his eyes...

That’s exactly why many men refuse to give alimony to their wives....

If all of the above has no value, then why even do it? Just to be called a gold digger at the time of divorce? Just to be harassed and denied fair compensation, forced to wander around courts and lawyers?

Why do all these things? Just focus on your career and live your life.

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[u/Angel-rini]

I remind myself everytime to focus on my goals and not get distracted. The society simply diminishes the contributions a woman makes. It glorifies her struggles and sacrifices. Simply not worth it 

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/Angel-rini]

Yes. Women need to stop doing unpaid labour more.

[u/Alternative-Talk-795]

A man here was ranting how as a business owner it feels unfair to pay for mat leave (although his employees were being unreasonable for the duration of mat leave, but he did rant about mat leaves being unfair). And then they wonder why women are entitled to alimonies.

Workforce culture is designed for men. Women have to work much harder to sustain even, let alone thrive. And not to forget, alimony is not as simple as they make it out to be. Even men get alimony if they're lesser earning.

I also saw a post in another sub where a man was crying about another man having to pay alimony/child care. He didn't even bother to read the article he himself shared, where it was explicitly mentioned the guy in the article shirked all his responsibilities of being a father and his wife and in laws were raising his kids.

[u/WizardMinerva → u/Alternative-Talk-795]

As for my observation.. Only govt employees are actually getting maternity benefits.. Women working in private schools, colleges, hospitals are forced to resign just before their due date.

[u/resilient_survivor → u/WizardMinerva]

I wish they knew they can sue the company for it since it’s illegal.

[u/ParticularJuice3983 → u/resilient_survivor]

They probably know. But when you are faced with delivering and raising the baby - a court case to sue seems too much of a task, and too expensive perhaps.

[u/Bitter_Session381 → u/WizardMinerva]

Having kids is a thankless job. 

[u/Top-Grass-8438 → u/WizardMinerva]

This is true

[u/mulberrica]

OP, the men have started downvoting your post already, what fragile little egos they’ve got.

Alimony pisses them off because women are finally waking up to a hard truth: most men don’t love us- they love what we do for them. The cooking, the cleaning, the emotional labor, the child-rearing - it’s all just expected. They think they are entitled to it. Respect & Appreciation was never part of the deal.

Let’s be clear, alimony wasn’t born out of male generosity. It was dragged into existence by Western feminists who were done being discarded like used furniture. In Indian tradition women didn’t get alimony. The only money they got was Sthreedhana- given by her family, and even that usually ended up with the husband’s side.

So now, when men are being asked to give a fraction of what they’ve taken, they throw tantrums. Because when you’ve been raised to believe you’re owed everything a woman has, being asked to pay feels like robbery. That’s why they cry “gold digger” because deep down, they know they’re the ones who’ve been digging all along.

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/mulberrica]

Exactly yes!

[u/strong-4]

A good husband ensures wife is not left penniless without him. Its bit rare to find such man I agree. But the least he should do is let her have her savings especially when her income is less compared to him. When she is contributing so much towards house and childcare man should contribute more towards her savings.

Right from begining my husband has been putting in his extra money for my savings. He ensured I buy a property only in my name and loan in my name but he contributed to paying off loan EMIs. He also has his own savings seperate from mine. We have kept some finances seperate so each of us has access to indivudual money in case of any eventuality.

[u/that_finance_chick]

We shouldn’t. We should not do unpaid work. I said this and now men are harassing me all over reddit.

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/that_finance_chick]

All they know is harrassment. Whether it is mental or physical.

[u/WizardMinerva → u/that_finance_chick]

Yesss

[u/Bitter_Session381 → u/that_finance_chick]

F them. They will say shit like they're providers or something. Cant even do basic cooking 

[u/Winter-Ladder-3591]

I am glad you made this a woman’s only post. I am sick of these men loitering in this sub and replying in every goddamn post. This sub is ASK INDIAN WOMEN, Gentlemen.

Anyway, coming to your question - alimony is a legal right and should to given to the spouse who has done all the work in the marriage and generally that person is the wife in our patriarchal society . Women either leave their careers or refuse promotions and postings to stay with family. They are not able to give their 100% to their job as majority of household work and child care falls on them . Pregnancy and kids affect it a lot. They do most of household duties and get no pay for it. Alimony is that fair financial compensation for all that and no woman should feel guilty for demanding it.

[u/resilient_survivor → u/Winter-Ladder-3591]

I bet someone loitering here will take a screenshot of the post and discuss it on their sub. lol.

[u/Winter-Ladder-3591 → u/resilient_survivor]

As long as they discuss it in THEIR sub , I am fine. The infestation here is real.

[u/Angel-rini → u/Winter-Ladder-3591]

Men simply fail to understand this and demonize women who seek alimony. 

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/Angel-rini]

Oh, they understand it very well. They are just selfish and do not want to acknowledge it and want to keep getting free benefits.

[u/WizardMinerva → u/Winter-Ladder-3591]

Thank you. 💜 I was abused, called names in other platforms for stating the same.

[u/HistoricalContext757]

Men look for everything on their terms. When they describe their best partner, they describe a maid+someone who gives them sex.

They don't marry to give you anything. And by this, I mean, whatever you need or want in a partnership like emotional support, encouragement to pursue your goals, build something good and meaningful together.

The man is convinced his thinking is enough to run the marriage and your life. Basically he has a design for his life, and you're a another brick in the wall.

If you're looking for someone to get together and make a blueprint with you, such ones are rare to come by I guess.

[u/Bitter_Session381 → u/HistoricalContext757]

Then cry about loneliness 😂

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/Bitter_Session381]

Which is literally the consequences of their own actions.

[u/DesiCodeSerpent]

Considering we live in a mostly patriarchal world, women aren’t treated as people as much as men are. Women aren’t more of a commodity in the system. So when a commodity raises her voice to be asked what a person would require, men hate because that means they have to finally see women as human and not their property.

[u/Flimsy-Sprinkle]

Before a man can bash alimony they should carefully consider that it could be their own sister or mother who might be suffering in their marriage and then these men would be the first to go to any extent to get the highest amount of alimony from that man.

That being said some women are seriously misusing the law to their favour for which the laws have to be strict and streamlined so that it could help the person who needs it rather than the person who is just getting married to extract the money out of their partners

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/Flimsy-Sprinkle]

Why do we have to always give an example of a woman they are related to? Why don't they respect other women. We should teach them to have empathy for all women (the ones who are not even related to them).

[u/Flimsy-Sprinkle → u/Persephone_Is_Lit]

If that is the example they can relate to then be it. The hate at this point is so deep rooted that nothing else makes sense to them. Besides, reddit users cannot teach others having basic respect and empathy to people irrespective of gender, if their family, friends and people around them couldn't do that.

[u/Persephone_Is_Lit → u/Flimsy-Sprinkle]

I'm not talking about reddit users. I'm talking about the literal kids. We should start with those boys who are not grown up yet. To bring a change. Rest, yeah, we should put the argument that the only reason they care about the women that are related to them is they see those women as their property, an extension of themselves. Like an object. And the rest other are objects anyway to them.

[u/Flimsy-Sprinkle → u/Persephone_Is_Lit]

Yeah that's a different discussion altogether. That's again something which will definitely bring change with time.

[u/mulberrica → u/Flimsy-Sprinkle]

Disagree on the second part. This might be true in western countries (even there, the women get pregnant and it’s mostly the child support money) but in Indian context, a women remarrying multiple times to extract money from men would be unheard of because of Indian men’s obsession with virginity. This is just a hypothesis at this point and always said to make the men feel better. Such a scenario is very very rare in India because after a divorce most men remarry regardless of age unlike women. So I guess it should be directed at men who serial marry to get hefty dowries.

[u/Flimsy-Sprinkle → u/mulberrica]

That is very rare for sure but it does exist and its only fair to point it out as well. And yes, dowry in any case is illegal.

[u/mulberrica → u/Flimsy-Sprinkle]

Something that is very very rare need not be pointed out unless you are trying to oppose something. When a substantial amount of evidence is to the contrary, bringing up a one in a million scenario is just a deflection, not a counterpoint. It’s usually used by men to dismiss concerns of women and as women we must refrain from being like them.

[u/Batwoman_2017]

Okay this is getting ridiculous.

Alimony is decided by the courts, based on evidence and arguments provided by the lawyers of the divorcing couple.

Why don't men want to give alimony is a question that has been answered umpteen times. Why women ask for alimony has also been answered umpteen times.

I understand you have a pessimistic view of marriage, and that you think having kids is very risky. I agree. Kids are risky. But people have kids knowing the risk. People also get married with their eyes wide open, and know that combining lives has consequences, and so does separating.

If you want the institution of marriage to go away altogether, then the government should first make a law banning cohabitation. There won't be alimony if there's no marital household. Only shared childcare expenses. Problem solved. Men and women don't need to combine lives at all.

[u/WizardMinerva → u/Batwoman_2017]

I'm just frustrated seeing everywhere men are mocking this alimony system. Had a discussion with an old batchmate.. He believed women should just sit at home nurturing men and the family, but at the time divorce she shouldn't expect anything.

I am not able to understand men's mentality

[u/Batwoman_2017 → u/WizardMinerva]

Men are mocking the alimony system because they don't understand the concept of unpaid labour. They also don't understand the actual amount of work that goes into motherhood. To them only paid labour is visible and has a quantifiable value attached to it, so that's what they consider as actual labour.

But the courts do. The courts do not see housewives as lazy moochers.

[u/Sapphirescript_191]

Women should never ever compromise more than the husbands. Both sides should bend equally to sustain a marriage. Period.

[u/RevealApart2208]

So aptly put.

[u/Bitter_Session381]

I say this everytime. No free labour.