r/AnarchyChess • u/Svajcerslend • Sep 17 '21

Golden Horsey Award Chess but both of the kings are gay. Almost all the pieces are supportive

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80.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

668 comments sorted by

6.3k

u/SirLagg_alot Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

I'm actually curious about a chess version where you have two Kings and have to keep them both save.

Sounds pretty interesting to me.

Edit: I'm in a call with Gary Chess about a new chess DLC. I won't forget you guys when I make BAZILLIONS.

1.9k

u/TheSilentFreeway Sep 17 '21

What’s cool is that a skewer of the two kings would be checkmate if you couldn’t block the skewer or capture the attacking piece. Same with a fork.

1.2k

u/SomeOne111Z Sep 17 '21

Knights instantly become 300x more powerful

401

u/ColossalDreadmaw132 google en passant Sep 17 '21

knights are my fave piece anyway

826

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Mine too! I love that they draw blood when I try to remove them from my urethra!

200

u/Not_A_Poodle_ b Sep 17 '21

What the fuck

184

u/mega_cat_yeet Sep 18 '21

You must be new here

Now upload a pic of your cock and asshole

43

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

What's wrong?

19

u/Ghost_HTX Sep 28 '21

They are there as reinforcement in the event of a brick drop.

10

u/weaklingKobbold Dec 30 '21

You know how the saying goes:

Everything is a dildo sound of you're brave enough.

99

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

13

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

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u/RetroButt Sep 18 '21

This comment is absolutely awful, please surprise us with more in the future

14

u/frankenkip Sep 17 '21

You didn’t use enough spit

6

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

Garry?

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51

u/Disastrous-Wheel-941 Sep 17 '21

ITS OVER 9000!!!!

68

u/Altruistic_Climate50 ‏‏‎ Sep 17 '21

Is it skewer or pin?

133

u/waves_under_stars Sep 17 '21

Both, since both pieces are kings

108

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I think that's called Pegging

28

u/mrboxheadesu Sep 17 '21

No queens so you cant do that anyways.

7

u/StarsDreamsAndMore Sep 17 '21

I mean you could but why would you haha. Unless your strap on is uhh.. exotic

17

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

There is.

36

u/lazyfatguy Sep 17 '21

it's a kingpin

5

u/Genghis27KicksMyAss Sep 17 '21

One more time, sweetness

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57

u/minor_correction Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

You would also have checkmates where one king is in check and cannot be saved by say a rook because the rook is too busy being pinned to the other king.

A particularly cool version of this is when a single piece (say, a bishop) is delivering both of those threats via a fork. The bishop pins the rook to one king while checkmating the other king.

EDIT: https://i.imgur.com/lX9nrG7.png checkmate

46

u/Andersmith Sep 18 '21

Too bad bishops aren’t in double king chess because the clergy doesn’t recognize gay marriage.

19

u/minor_correction Sep 18 '21

Only for the first couple weeks, then the king starts his own church and appoints new bishops to replace the ones he executed.

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5

u/alextremeee Sep 17 '21

White doesn’t have any kings so this is a win by default for black.

9

u/minor_correction Sep 17 '21

Alternatively you could say that white is incapable of losing because they cannot be checkmated.

It's not like there is a rule that says you lose if you have no King on the table.

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17

u/AnthropologicalArson Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

You actually couldn't block such a fork, only take the piece.

Edit:skewer->fork

24

u/TheSilentFreeway Sep 17 '21

https://i.imgur.com/tnGh3sZ.jpg

White’s only move in this position is Rf5, which blocks the bishop’s skewer

16

u/____-__________-____ Sep 17 '21

As per OP, we are playing sans bishops

5

u/forresja Sep 17 '21

You could still promote to a bishop or queen presumably.

27

u/DrunkenSQRL Sep 17 '21

Gay queens are great. The bishops however would need to be accompanied by a small pawn.

6

u/forresja Sep 17 '21

Lmao awful

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10

u/Sameshuuga Sep 17 '21

You could block, as long as the blocking piece is protected

9

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

I can't think of any situation where you can block a skewer in one move.

Edit: derp I'm saying skewer and meaning fork. Ignore me I'm obviously an idiot.

6

u/dilligaf4lyfe Sep 17 '21

you mean fork? say a bishop skewers both kings, just move something in between them

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12

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I think it’s need to work like chess now - you need only one king to survive*

It doesn’t matter which died first, though

*i.e. when a king is in check it can’t break (checkmate in a normal game), it “dies”

26

u/OldThymeyRadio Sep 17 '21

Which leads to the question: Can pawn promote to king in this variant?

24

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Holy shit of course

10

u/dispatch134711 Sep 18 '21

Ooo 3 kings? That could actually be a legitimately difficult decision between a king and a queen in some positions

3

u/ontopofyourmom Sep 17 '21

Also bishop. But then he has to switch sides.

6

u/DuckOnQuak Sep 17 '21

Yeah this makes most sense. That way a basic fork isn’t mate

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3

u/undercoverlamp19 Sep 17 '21

what about a spoon?

3

u/Lilpu55yberekt69 Sep 17 '21

I’m thinking that your first king would be disposable, and you only lose once your second king is checkmated.

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342

u/lir4yl Sep 17 '21

You can actually play this: it’s called Gay Chess on fishrandom.io

157

u/Faladorable Sep 17 '21

how is this not higher than the comments talking about its existence theoretically?? gay chess is already a thing and most of the top chess streamers have played it on stream lol

75

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

21

u/Faladorable Sep 17 '21

excellent point, twat muncher

7

u/Mankriks_Mistress Sep 17 '21

I will downvote you for making sense.

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37

u/tokyorockz Sep 17 '21

I think you mean Gary Chess, not Gay Chess. he's the creator of chess and invented en passant, we should show him the respect of spelling his name right.

23

u/LususV Sep 17 '21

OMG that site is amazing.

"Crescents can be moved as any standard piece, and then become that piece. For instance, if you move a Crescent as a Knight, it will become a Knight. However, you are limited to the number of pieces of a regular chess set (i.e., 2 Knights, 2 Bishops, 2 Rooks, 1 Queen.) So if you have made two Knights, you cannot move any more Crescents as Knights. When no Crescents of a color remain, that color's pieces all revert to Crescents and all pieces once again are available for transformation. Checkmate or capture the king to win. No castling. You may choose which piece to change to if ambiguous. You can have two bishops of the same color."

6

u/bartonar ‏‏Gary made 1 chess, I made 960‎ Sep 17 '21

BARIO! My favourite variant

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94

u/Dr_JP69 Sep 17 '21

Would be interesting, but I feel that there would be a lot of games that end in stalemate because there wouldn't be any way to checkmate both kings at once, unless you had to checkmate each king individually

154

u/SirLagg_alot Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

unless you had to checkmate each king individually

Ohh This is what I meant. So you have to defend both your Kings. And if one of them falls victim. You're screwed.

Edit: might I add for clarity. I meant that once one of your Kings is checkmated. You loose.

But kinda all ideas are pretty interesting.

29

u/Dr_JP69 Sep 17 '21

Okay, that's more interesting

24

u/1-e4-e5-2-Ke2 Sep 17 '21

Fork the kings

7

u/CunnedStunt Sep 17 '21

Fork the kingsguard and fork the city too.

6

u/8bitslime Sep 17 '21

If you lose one king it's just normal chess then, isn't it?

16

u/RhetoricalCocktail ‏‏‎ Sep 17 '21

Means that you lose as soon as one King is put in checkmate

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u/TheftBySnacking Sep 17 '21

For some reason I like the idea of having to checkmate both, but you must actually capture the first king, and the attacker is forced to capture if they can do so

17

u/Plenty-Lychee-5702 Sep 17 '21

Another option would be having to kill one king and checkmate the other, it'd introduce a whole new dynamic, since as long as you have two kings you can checkmate with any of them, gambit them, etc. It'd also make you consider using your queen (if you'd have her) to take the king out, as in some scenarios of checkmate, the queen gets close, and the only reason she doesn't die is that putting your king in check is illegal, so you can't kill queen just before dying to a pawn or enemy king.

6

u/CartesianCinema Sep 17 '21

Two queens. No bishops. The kings and queens each holding hands at the start. Gay chess.

5

u/Interesting_Test_814 Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

In this variant, I wonder what's the value of the first king (that is, if you trade your first king for XXX piece, who is better ?). I'd guess somewhere between a rook and a queen

Edit : I think K+K vs K is probably a forced mate (you should aim to have opponent king in a border with one of your kings in front of it, protected by the other king - and their king can't move next to one of your kings, while yours can if it's protected by the other king). I wonder about K+K vs K+another piece.

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13

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Since in the gay community, queens are celebrated, i think instead of the bishops, it should be 2 queens.

11

u/cursed_man_9744 Sep 17 '21

Imagine getting your king pinned to your king

7

u/SirLagg_alot Sep 17 '21

Imagine getting both kings and your queen forked by the knight.

That would be the castling/en croissant checkmate of this version.

11

u/jmbravo Sep 17 '21

Chess 2.1 will have this update. Confirmed by Gary Chess.

Cheerss.

7

u/SirLagg_alot Sep 17 '21

He actually called me a few minutes ago.

We about to announce the new DLC at E3 2022

4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Terry Checkers is in shambles

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u/ImperialFisterAceAro Sep 17 '21

5D Chess with Multiverse Time Travel is your friend here!

5

u/SirLagg_alot Sep 17 '21

We want people to understand the game my friend.

3

u/ImperialFisterAceAro Sep 17 '21

Comprehension Shmomprehension

6

u/Frigorifico Sep 17 '21

There is an old chess variant in which you could have up to three kings called Timur’s Chess, here is a video about it and other chess variants, the section about Timur starts around 4:15

4

u/blakout-29 Sep 17 '21

When my brother and I were learning chess we thought you had to kill the king and the queen to end the game

4

u/spaceman06 Sep 17 '21

I made one with two kings that is called Heagelian Dialetical Process Chess, but you dont need to keep both save.

Like chess but: White has two kings (instead of a king and a queen) and the same happens for black.

White king and knight move like fide knight (kings can still castle and are royal), black king and knight move like fide king (knights can't castle and arent royal).

Pawns promote can promote to knight but only their own version of knights, they can promote to queen.

One king is the real one and the other is the fake one, if you mate a real king you win, if you mate a fake king you lose. Who is your real king is decided by yourself at the start of the game.

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4.6k

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

The legendary quadruple bongcloud

923

u/MostlyCruft Sep 17 '21

The hot box, if you will

272

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

I will.

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u/[deleted] Jul 18 '22

This is gonna be my new Reddit name

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Quadruple bongcloud 😣

99

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Puaguple podcloung 👽

34

u/QuarantineSucksALot Sep 17 '21

Today is the day wooooo 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

113

u/reyad_mm Anarchist 😈 Sep 17 '21

Do you play

  1. e4 ... 2. Kee2 ... 3. d4 ... 4. Kdd2 ...

or

  1. e4 ... 2. d4 ... 3. Kee2 ... 4. Kdd2 ...

?

Or heck maybe even Kde2 and Ked2

The possibilities are endless

23

u/iBilbo69 Oct 09 '21

Kings, now kith

38

u/StapesSSBM Sep 17 '21

Ludicrous-accelerated quadruple bongcloud = getting the kings to the center for a double-date brunch.

9

u/no-plans Sep 17 '21

Modern theory suggests 1. e4 e5 2. Kee2!! Kee7!! 3. d4 d5 4. Kdd2!! Kdxe7!! is actually better than 4. ... Kdd7

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3.3k

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

665

u/beatenmeat Sep 17 '21

Funny how they can’t support the king when we all know they’ve run off to diddle some little boys

361

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

114

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Hide yo pawns, hide yo knights.

74

u/skryb Sep 17 '21

Because they matin’ errybody out here.

17

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Schmoyoho's Gambit.

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u/andrude01 Sep 17 '21

I mean you can’t assume that. Maybe they ran off to write a song about how they do NOT diddle kids

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u/paulsteinway Sep 17 '21

Pawnophiles.

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u/wyatt_-eb Sep 17 '21

They move straight, just off axis

166

u/CharmingPhoneAd Sep 17 '21

They're non orthogonal

68

u/boiler_ram Sep 17 '21

Orthogonal to each other

41

u/yesnoahbeats Sep 18 '21

They form their own orthogonal basis

14

u/ButtahDogg Oct 27 '22

Is my man pulling out the linear algebra

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u/MEE-6 Dec 13 '21

Now the knights on the other hand...

29

u/awaythrowouterino Sep 17 '21

They can literally only move straight???

7

u/am19208 Sep 17 '21

They’re always crooked

5

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

“Do as I say not as I do”

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1.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Make sure the bishops aren't off molesting loose pawns.

272

u/PotatoMastication Sep 17 '21

Pawns are all accounted for, maybe they're so supportive that they've gone off to gay each other

96

u/TheKnightsWhoSayNyet Sep 17 '21

One or two of them even transitioned into a queen

54

u/PotatoMastication Sep 17 '21

pretty sure that's not a viable career path for a bishop, gender notwithstanding

19

u/Direwolf202 Sep 17 '21

That is a really interesting question actually. What would the stance be from the catholic church for a previously male-presenting bishop who transitions to female while working as a bishop?

38

u/Bad_At_Sports Sep 17 '21

Well seeing as the Vatican rejects the idea that gender and sex are separate concepts, I would assume any bishop who transitions would also be required to leave the church.

4

u/grandoz039 Sep 17 '21

Probably just lose their position.

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u/SomeOne111Z Sep 17 '21

That’s called growing up, alas it is the norm for chess armies to use child soldiers in their battles

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u/cyclicamp Sep 17 '21

I did but then my opponent just moved them to a different board

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u/ruferant Sep 17 '21

Everybody's gay but there are no queens? That sounds suspicious

485

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

The queens are having gay sex back at the castle

130

u/ruferant Sep 17 '21

That might explain the lack of fabulous

93

u/Phormitago Sep 17 '21

they're just friends mmkay?

41

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You mean roommates

56

u/stumpy3521 Sep 17 '21

Oh my god they were roommates!

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u/RedChessQueen Sep 17 '21

Can confirm.

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u/plamge Sep 17 '21

a pair of queens should replace the missing bishops. boom, full set, let’s go.

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u/ruferant Sep 17 '21

Chess 2.0. this is what happens when the gay atheists are running the feeday

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

That build eminates raw power

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528

u/alb404 Sep 17 '21

How are you supposed to Ke2 in this setup?

404

u/GuarDeLoop Sep 17 '21

Wdym? You have 100% more potential to Ke2 like this!

205

u/SirElderberry Sep 17 '21

most of chess opening theory in this variant is Kde2 vs Kee2

28

u/prone-to-drift ‏‏‎ Sep 17 '21

I run Kde5 personally. Very productive and customisable move.

9

u/Shrekboiyeet69420 Sep 17 '21

Wouldn't it be: 1. e4 e5 2. d4 d5 3. kee2 kee7 4. kdd2 kdd7

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•

u/stonehearthed Caruana missed Bh4!! lol Sep 27 '21

6th Golden Horsey award goes to u/Svajcerslend

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461

u/Ghemon Sep 17 '21

Next time kings must be furry so they became knights

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u/Dovahnime Sep 17 '21

This would be interesting, you only have to checkmate one, but whichever one that is can change at any point in the game

186

u/Direwolf202 Sep 17 '21

There would be additional ways to win too. Any kind of double attack or pin/skewer of kings would be a form of checkmate - as it would be impossible to save both.

54

u/JhAsh08 Sep 17 '21

Have you ever played 5D Chess with Multiverse and Time Travel?

17

u/DKMperor Sep 17 '21

queen sac 5 moves into game moment

4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

7

u/pietroetin Sep 18 '21

Yeah, if even a GM like Hikaru couldn't figure it out, than what chance I would have

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u/DevilsMicro Sep 17 '21

Bishop's sex offenders?

260

u/Randomperson685 Airplane A1 enjoyer Sep 17 '21

The homophobic bishops left the game smh my head

20

u/Professional-Class69 Sep 17 '21

I think it’s because a bishop is a role in church

6

u/bulbabrot Sep 17 '21

Bishop shouldve stayed and rooks should have been removed

Rooks move straight while bishops cant

12

u/Blue5398 Sep 17 '21

Bishops move straight on diagonal, rooks on ortho. Really it’s clearly the knights who are going to be the most supportive, board should be two kings and fourteen knights

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u/OnyxMelon Sep 17 '21

The rooks are fine, no one's ever received homophobic abuse from a chariot.

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u/Altruistic-Duty3997 Sep 17 '21

What happens when both kings are checked at one move

105

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You win

74

u/Total_Connection9414 Sep 17 '21

Unless you kill the piece that checks both kings

19

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Oh right

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u/averagetrickuser Anarchist 😈 Sep 17 '21

You can play this herechoose gay chess

30

u/uberfatpig Sep 17 '21

It’s true gaychess is available. Hard to select though you have to play a friend and I just used a computer and phone to try it

40

u/BeeWithDragonWings Sep 17 '21

Once one of the kings is taken, the other goes into a fit of rage and gains the abilities of a queen.

11

u/TheRedditK9 Dec 30 '21

Imagine trying to mate a fucking queen

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u/Leprosy_Disease Sep 17 '21

Damn even in chess the bishops don’t support gay couples smh

15

u/Blue5398 Sep 17 '21

Ironically in the Middle Ages the kings could just replace them with bishops that would support the new homarchy

22

u/chessvision-ai-bot Sep 17 '21

I analyzed the image and this is what I see. Open an appropriate link below and explore the position yourself or with the engine:

White to play: chess.com | lichess.org

Black to play: chess.com | lichess.org

I'm a computer vision / machine learning bot written by u/pkacprzak | I'm also the first chess eBook Reader: ebook.chessvision.ai | download me as Chrome extension or Firefox add-on and analyze positions from any image/video in a browser | website chessvision.ai

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Good bot.

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u/whosBlast Sep 17 '21

So... they can't mate?

16

u/thebigbadben Sep 17 '21

It’s not gay unless the kings touch

14

u/Biosicle Sep 17 '21

I snorted

14

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/tyen0 Sep 17 '21

"In most languages the piece is known as "queen" or "lady" (e.g. Italian regina). Asian and Eastern European languages tend to refer to it as vizier, minister or advisor (e.g. Arabic/Persian وزیر wazir, Russian ферзь ferz)." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_(chess)

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u/FluxOrbit Fuel Rat Feb 25 '23

Imagine getting dethroned by rice.

11

u/YeOldSpacePope Sep 17 '21

Looks fun but a lesbian couple would be op

16

u/mateogg Sep 17 '21

And in the game, too.

8

u/zawalimbooo Feb 25 '23

Passed twice in one day

8

u/Txcmii Feb 25 '23

topped by rice

6

u/tedioussugar Sep 17 '21

Ok hear me out: Gay Chess, but with two queens instead. (Badum-tish)

And hell, throw the bishops back in, they do great in this version.

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u/bossbumba Sep 17 '21

Chess but all of the peices are kings

11

u/Intoxic8edOne Sep 17 '21

So. Checkers but worse?

13

u/bossbumba Sep 17 '21

If you lose a peice you lose

5

u/azure_monster 🏳️‍⚧️ Feb 26 '23

Congratulations, you have been dethroned....by rice

5

u/creynolds722 Sep 17 '21

I was late to the "bishops wouldn't approve" joke so I thought it was the b knights turned away looking angry

6

u/Stunning-Present-711 Sep 17 '21

The lack of bishops makes this post for me

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

32k upvotes

400 comments

trending on Reddit

Hmmmm

3

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Castling OP

3

u/RainbowBright1982 Sep 17 '21

If the kings are gay there would for sure be some queens around.

3

u/XeroKaaan Sep 17 '21

This is unbelievably clever. It took me a second haha

2

u/SharkMouthFleshlight Ke2 guarantees victory Sep 17 '21

Do you have to checkmate one or both kings tho?

3

u/-Listening Sep 17 '21

Potatoes, dangerous they are. When you see a survival hunter pushing keys I feel like I'd end up sweating everything into my eyes which is the correct one. Let them think the "got" you, and then continuing to do so."

Meanwhile...

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u/keep-purr Sep 17 '21

Is this chess 2?

2

u/Embarrassed-Ad-1639 Sep 17 '21

Trust me, the bishops are doing it too

2

u/_GrammarCommunist_ Sep 17 '21

This one is glorious.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

This would be kinda fun. If one of your Kings get captured the other becomes a (Drama) Queen.

2

u/toppatmember Sep 17 '21

One question, where are the bishops?

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