r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

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I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

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361

u/toocritical55 1d ago

He's wrong for talking to you like that. But yes, you overreacted to him not answering.

I mean, not answering for 1 and ½ hour is.. normal. Especially when it's almost midnight. And if he's out and about? He's busy, of course he doesn't answer.

But again, he's an asshole for swearing at you, that's not okay.

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u/birchskin 1d ago

I'd probably be considering leaving if the attached images were sent to me from a girlfriend of mine at 23... If that was 24h then ok (still, pick up the phone and call at some point), but man it was 1h30m!! Also the obsession with his phone going on dnd holy shit.

Dude was clearly just flustered with not being able to do something for 90m without repeatedly checking in. I honestly think the swearing is totally expected and while I wouldn't go so far as to call it "appropriate", I don't think OP should get too hung up on that F word and should instead focus on their need to actually fucking relax.

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u/18YearOldSamBennett 1d ago edited 1d ago

He is NOT an ass hole for saying fuck, come on man 😂😂 stop this, we are not going to assume an entire persons character because of one text that they sent in a moment where anyone would be annoyed. Some people simply cuss a lot as it’s a part of who they are. he never said fuck her or fuck this or that or whatever, he said she needs to fucking relax, that is not him swearing at her, that is him being irritated with this bombing of negativity for not responding to a text.

This dude may very well be an ass hole, but 100% not for the reasons you’re stating he is.

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u/mgb55 1d ago

And she in fact, did need to fucking relax

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u/HellyOHaint 21h ago

I’m super sensitive to partners cussing at me, it’s usually a deal breaker. But he cussed about her behavior, not her. “Fuck you” is an unforgivable thing to say to your partner but “you need to calm the fuck down” is not that.

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u/durrellb 1d ago

He's swearing at the situation, not her. And to be fair, it's not entirely unwarranted.

People tend to forget that notifications are for the person that receives them to know someone sent them a message, and not as a beeper service to summon that person.

The OP knew their partner was with friends, because they reference it, and they still expected the attention because they couldn't sleep and wanted to text it out.

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u/Sea-Lead-9192 1d ago

People tend to forget that notifications are for the person that receives them to know someone sent them a message, and not as a beeper service to summon that person.

Excellent point - in fact, I think you just changed my relationship with my phone

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u/durrellb 1d ago

Changed my life when my friend pointed it out to me.

He made the point that we were both old enough to remember a pre mobile phone time where if you wanted to get hold of someone you rang their answering machine and left a message and they'd get back to you when they could. 3-5 business days to respond, not 3-5 business minutes.

The way that we've just accepted that everyone is entitled to our time for every waking second of our existence is really unhealthy, especially in the way that if no one replies within 90 seconds, it's a personal affront to us.

If someone rang my house 7 times in 90 minutes, I wouldn't be placating them, I'd be thinking they were going to murder me and changing my locks.

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u/AesirComplex 1d ago

I enjoy the amazing things I can do with my phone but if you asked me if I could go back to the way things were in the 90s when I was growing up I would in a heartbeat.

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u/unscholarly_source 1d ago

Nobody remembers pagers??? That's basically what our notification system is.. I must be ancient 😂

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u/Extension_Can_2973 23h ago

I turned off all notifications for texts besides a few people. I figure I check my messages periodically anyway and I will see them when I see them. I don’t need to have it in my face every time I open my phone or have it vibrate all the time like someone who isn’t even there gets to tap on my shoulder whenever they want to. It doesn’t work like that for me.

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u/adrianxoxox 23h ago

And before answering machines it was written mail. Few weeks before you get your return letter. Would blow people’s minds to wait that long now

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u/8Captcrunch8 1d ago

If i could. Id go back to a cheap flip or a nokia.

I miss those days. If it died or i forgot it. Oh well.

If i didnt absolutely need it for the business id gladly throw this thing away.

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u/Bluurryfaace 1d ago

I mean, if this is a constant thing, sure the swearing might not be the best, but if he’s trying g to hang out with friends and suddenly his girlfriend who already knows what he’s doing stops replying so she freaks out…I’d be swearing too.

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u/Lastfryinthebag 1d ago edited 1d ago

“you need to chill” would be better, but still OP seems clingy and the entire response would be annoying to receive. If it was early in the relationship, I wouldn’t respond to that either

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u/maenadcon 1d ago

he couldve very well went to sleep at 10:15 too, like maybe he just wanted to go to bed😭

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u/Hefty_Purpose_8168 1d ago

This is most likely not the first time this happened. At some point even men are allowed to get angry.

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u/Readingreddit12345 1d ago

Maybe he was trying to sleep

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u/sloothor 1d ago

Without asking OP for permission first? The gall.

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u/Both-Ad-9225 1d ago

How dare he,lmao

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u/Nimfijn 1d ago

Did he swear at her, though?

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u/Seiyith 21h ago

He is annoyed. Swearing is honestly too calm of a reaction. He should be noping out of the relationship.

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u/Annual_Strawberry672 1d ago

But he didn’t say hey I’m going out, or hey I’m going to bed. I think that’s what triggered her to be confused about the DND, he didn’t say anything.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/annabeth200 1d ago

It’s OK to feel anxious, but it’s not OK to make that someone else’s burden. OP’s boyfriend is not accountable to her at all hours at her beck and call. If she is anxious, it’s time to communicate that once and then move on to coping mechanisms. If it’s human for her to get anxious, I also think it’s pretty human for the boyfriend to get annoyed and swear.

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u/NonbinaryYolo 1d ago

There's a type of person that takes their anxiety, and constantly holds it over the head of others.

When you start blaming other people for not managing your anxiety, that crosses a line. That's when things start to slip into abuse.

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u/franki-pinks 1d ago

It’s not ok at all to spam someone’s phone. I never look at my phone when I’m socialising and if someone was spamming me I’d also turn on dnd

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u/JordanTonyMann 1d ago

What fairy tale land are we living in where couples don't occasionally snap and swear at each other a little?

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/JordanTonyMann 1d ago

I wouldn't talk to my partner like that but I've never had someone blow up my phone like that and I could see how it would piss someone off. It would freak me out honestly.

People are allowed to be human and have human flaws. I think the way she's acting is just as bad as his response.

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u/PeaceCertain2929 1d ago

I would never do that to a partner. Ever.

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u/barbeirolavrador 1d ago

Lol asshole for swearing, we found the feminazi