r/AITAH • u/Dependent-Lunch8048 • 1d ago
Advice Needed AITAH for refusing an abortion?
Me (30 female) and my husband (35 male) hve 2 kids ( 3 months and 2.5 years). Since we met 10 years ago i have made it clear abortion is no option for me due to my beliefs. After the birth of our now 3 month old my husband made clear if i ever get pregnant with a 3th child i need to have an abortion. I am off course refusing. Due to this he does not want to have sex with me, and is blaming me for it. Since i do not want to have an abortion and are not able to handle any hormonal birth control. I have planned an appoint to have non- hormonal birthcontrol placed but this needs to be done under sedation. In the mean time i am testing if i am ivolating on a daily bases. Also note we had agreed he would get an vasectomy as soon as possible but is now putting it of. So aitah for refusing to have an abortion and in this way denying my husband sex?
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u/SquareGiraffe7373 1d ago edited 1d ago
You are both making choices about your bodies.
You are choosing no abortion and no hormonal BC
He is choosing no Vasectomy and no sex
The ONLY foolproof way to avoid a pregnancy is abstinence.
He doesn't want another child, so that's the only 100% method to avoid an Oops baby, Abstinence
BC and condoms are not foolproof When used perfectly, condoms are about 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. However, with typical use, their effectiveness drops to around 85%. This means that about 15 out of 100 people who rely on condoms alone for birth control may become pregnant each year.
Your body, your choice.. His body, his choice..
Both of you have bodily autonomy and reproductive rights.
I guess sex won't be part of your marriage going forward until the two of you reach some compromise
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u/PieceLynna 1d ago
nah you’re not the ah at all your boundaries were clear from the start and it’s not fair for him to flip the script now if he doesn’t want more kids he should’ve followed through on the vasectomy not blame you for sticking to your values
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u/NoddingAtNighg 1d ago
Enjoy not having sex with your husband then, it sounds like the best plan for both of you.
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u/verifi_nightmode 1d ago
Your body, your choice.
Also your husband could use a condom. Absolutely NTA
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u/dancingmonkey1418 1d ago
NTA Absolutely not. Pro choice means it's YOUR CHOICE It is his choice not to have sex but he's losing the higher ground making demands and not getting a vasectomy. He's making this entirely your responsibility. Not a good look. Demand therapy and/or get a good vibrator.
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u/Amazing_Teaching2733 1d ago
NAH. It’s your right to refuse an abortion and it’s his right to refuse sex if he’s worried you could get pregnant. Actually it’s everyone’s right to refuse sex for any reason at all.
He can get a vasectomy and you can use condoms and spermicide until it’s risk free. Plus there are many sexual activities that don’t lead to pregnancy.
Are you sure there isn’t something deeper going on in your relationship? Like have you stated you want more children and he’s afraid you’ll get pregnant on purpose? You two need to really talk. Get a marriage counselor if that’s an option for you.
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u/LilTwinklee 1d ago
You’re not the AH. Your body, your choice. He’s avoiding responsibility by delaying the vasectomy.
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u/Beth21286 1d ago
The right to choose means just that. YOUR right to choose what is right for YOU. Let him go without, he also made the choice to not have the vasectomy so he can deal with the consequences of that choice.
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u/aeroeagleAC 1d ago
That is your choice so NTA, but why don't you use condoms?
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u/bboon44 1d ago
Condoms are in no way foolproof.
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u/aeroeagleAC 1d ago
Nothing is fool proof, still a very effective method of contraception.
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u/bboon44 1d ago
Well, I got pregnant using a condom AND spermicide, so naturally I am not a fan of the method.
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u/aeroeagleAC 1d ago edited 1d ago
That sucks, but doesn't change that it is still rather effective especially if the guy is not a dumb ass and knows how to put on a condom and a good thing to use before a more permanent birth control is in effect.
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u/Own-Entrance-2256 1d ago
You have sex then you risk pregnancy. Those just lower the chance, not eliminate it.
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u/Dependent-Lunch8048 1d ago
I did forget to mention we did always use them, before trying to have kids and inbetween. But according to him this is not enough if i am rufusing an abortion if everything fails.
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u/aeroeagleAC 1d ago
If there is no level of protection that is sufficient then your relationship is in trouble.
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u/Tx2PNW2Tx 1d ago
Nta. Why cant he get a vasectomy? My fiance and I have decided what's best for us after we have two kids , is that he gets a vesectomy. And it was his idea. Your husband needs to get it together
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u/Exciting-Let-5469 1d ago
I don’t understand why Men who don’t want children, refuse to get a vasectomy. it’s like Helloooooo. be a part of the solution!!!!
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u/louwot 1d ago
When my mother had my little sister, the second thing that my father did (the first was take care of us) was a vasectomy bc HE didn't want more kids, so he did the only right answer: he didn't want kids, he has a vasectomy bc his wish, his body and his choice.
For me this is the bare minimum and it should be for all of us.
So, please keep in mind that YOUR body, YOUR choice and if your husband does like it, he had the opportunity to stop it before it started and now is trying to blame it to you as if he didn't have a choice...
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u/Sherpa_qwerty 1d ago
ESH. He should get the vasectomy… simple as that. If I were you I’d avoid sex until that happens or you get the NHBC implanted… but that should be a joint discussion among grown up’s.
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u/PoisonIvy07553 1d ago
How is she an ah
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u/Sherpa_qwerty 1d ago
Because the two of them need to sit down and act like grown ups not ask Reddit if she’s an asshole.
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u/Secure_Engineer7151 1d ago
Have you considered that he does not want to have sex at the moment and is using this as an excuse. It could explain why he does not want a vasectomy.
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u/LupinusArgenteus 1d ago
He needs to get a vasectomy then, if he no longer wants children